How to Get Over a Boy by Chidera Eggerue

Author:Chidera Eggerue
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Quadrille Publishing Ltd
Published: 2019-12-26T16:00:00+00:00

Maintaining your boundaries

Here are the traps to watch out for and some ways to save your energy for you …

• If someone actually does come at you with the ‘Don’t you love me any more?’ question, you can respond to them by saying, ‘Loving someone should never come at the expense of my own well-being. Love does involve sacrifice, but my well-being and my peace of mind will never, ever be traded for love.’

• Alternatively, you might not even need to respond. You could let the question bounce off you, and imagine their baiting as the equivalent of a fish flopping as it gasps its last few breaths of oxygen after it’s been taken out of water. Remember that this is all about ignoring the temptation to give in to the guilt they are trying to place on you, because operating from a place of guilt means you are being controlled by fear – and any decision made out of fear is rarely a good one in the long run.

• If someone utilises the silent treatment, remember that they are trying to exploit your reliance on them to influence your judgement and to make you believe you need to tap-dance for their attention so that you can feel like a person again. The only reason they have managed to get this far doing this is because they have managed to strategically use the technique of isolation – they have convinced you that they are the most significant figure in your life, that you cannot do anything without them and that it is your responsibility to keep them happy even if their happiness comes at your own expense. This is why it is so important for you to find ways to be physically away from this person as much as you can – even if it means safely creating scenarios that allow you to do so.

• Controlling people know that distance makes it harder for them to have dominion over you, because the further you are away from them, the closer you are to yourself. The more you know yourself, the harder you are to manipulate. Physical space matters. Sometimes, you really don’t know what your situation looks like until you are literally far away from it.

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